Vulgar words in Perfect Behavior; a guide for ladies and gentlemen in all social crises (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 44 ~ ~ ~
If the man still persists in wishing to know who it is to whom he is being introduced, the best procedure consists in simply braining him on the spot with a club or convenient slab of paving stone.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 638 ~ ~ ~
An easy "hold" for beginners and one which is difficult for the ordinary baby to break consists in wrapping the left and right arms firmly around the center of the child, at the same time clutching the clothing with the right hand and the toes with the left and praying to God that the damn thing won't drop.
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HOW TO MYSTIFY At this point, your wife, dressed as a witch, should unexpectedly rush out at him; there is always the delightful possibility that he will pick up a convenient rock and brain her on the spot--an event which often adds an unexpected touch of gayety to the evening's fun.
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Consider, for example, the following two letters, illustrating the correct and incorrect method in which two young college men should correspond, and tell me if there is not some place in our college curriculum for a Professor of Deportment: An Incorrect Letter from a Princeton Student to a Yale Student Congratulating the Latter on His Football Victory DEAR MIKE: Here's your damn money.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,469 ~ ~ ~
Thus, whenever you have guests for dinner, the children can play "Boner" which consists in watching the visitor closely all during the meal in order to catch him in any irregularity in table etiquette.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,470 ~ ~ ~
As soon as the guest has committed a mistake, the first Child to discover it points his finger at him and shouts, "Pulled a Boner, Pulled a Boner!" and the boy or girl who discovers the greatest number of "Boners" during the evening is rewarded with a prize, based on the following table of points: If the guest has dirty hands, 5 points.