Vulgar words in Nature and Human Nature (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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To spend one's life in eating, drinking, and sleeping, or like a bullock, in ruminating on food, reduces a man to the level of an ox or an ass.
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"Well, when he got to the barrack, he got a book wrote by a Frenchman, called Buffoon."
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Any blockhead can be a merchant now.
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"I guess they do," said I; "the difference of language only stops them,--for it's hard to make love when you can't understand each other,--but colour never."
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One I fancy is a grumbling bark, as much as to say, 'No sleep for us, old boy, to-night, some of these coasters will be making love to our sheep as they did last week, if we don't keep a bright look out.
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"Well," sais I, "two souls we know they have--their great fat splaw feet show that, and as hard as jackasses' they are too; out the third is my difficulty; if they have a spiritual soul, where is it?
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"'I'll be darned if I don't, for who knows them wee-monstrosities don't help digestion, or feed on human pyson.
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But then, poor thing, and she consoles herself with the idea the poor thing has daughters herself, and they are as ugly as sin, and not half so agreeable.
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Oh, I was damn scared.
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"Perhaps so," sais Gage, "ass'felt is very appropriate for a fool's cap."
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A wigwam is knocked up in an hour; and as you have to be your own architect, carpenter, mason, and labourer, it's just as well to be handy as not.
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"Well then, dancing is voted a bore by the handsomest couple in the room, and they sit apart, and the uninitiated think they are making love.
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But a man must be a blockhead, indeed, to expect the moon to remain one minute after it is full, as every night clips a little bit off, till there is a considerable junk gone by the time the week is out, and what is worse, every night there is more and more darkness afore it rises.
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I had to heave to, lower a boat, send a white flag to him, beg pardon, and so on, and we knocked up a treaty of peace, and made friends again.
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He don't say to himself in an under-tone damn it, how unlucky this is.
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I don't care von damn for nopoty no more."
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"'What on airth do you mean,' sais she, 'you blockhead; it might as well mind you of tunder.'
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Dey is a cuss to de country; and it's berry hard for you and me to pay rates to support 'em: our rates last year was bominable.
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Then there are searches to be made in the record offices, and the--damn the searches, for he is in a hurry and loses his patience--search at the bankers, and all will be found right.
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The bears make love to his sheep, and the minks and foxes devour his poultry.