Vulgar words in The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition) (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 12 ~ ~ ~
My show at present consists of three moral Bares, a Kangaroo (a amoozin little Raskal--t'would make you larf yerself to deth to see the little cuss jump up and squeal) wax figgers of G. Washington Gen. Tayler John Bunyan Capt Kidd and Dr. Webster in the act of killin Dr. Parkman, besides several miscellanyus moral wax statoots of celebrated piruts & murderers, &c., ekalled by few & exceld by none.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 25 ~ ~ ~
My kangaroo is the most larfable little cuss I ever saw.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 56 ~ ~ ~
The fust time was when I undertuk to lick a owdashus cuss who cut a hole in my tent & krawld threw.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 144 ~ ~ ~
"I mean the gay and festiv cuss who calls me a man of sin.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 184 ~ ~ ~
Go it, my gay and festiv cuss!"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 227 ~ ~ ~
"What under the son are you abowt?" cried I. Sez he, "What did you bring this pussylanermus cuss here fur?" and he hit the wax figger another tremenjis blow on the hed.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 228 ~ ~ ~
Sez I, "You egrejus ass, that air's a wax figger--a representashun of the false 'Postle."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 337 ~ ~ ~
He don't do nobody no good & is a cuss to society & a pirit on honest peple's corn beef barrils.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 515 ~ ~ ~
So I opened in Kolonial Hall, which was crowded every nite with stujents, &c. Perfesser Finny gazed for hours at my Kangaroo, but when that sagashus but onprincipled little cuss set up one of his onarthly yellins and I proceeded to hosswhip him, the Perfesser objected.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 525 ~ ~ ~
I will retire and do my lasserated hand up in a rag, and meanwhile I request you to meat out summery and severe punishment to the vishus beest," I hosswhipt the little cuss for upwards of 15 minutes.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 571 ~ ~ ~
No man on this footstool can rise & git up & say I ever knowinly injered no man or wimmin folks, while all agree that my Show is ekalled by few and exceld by none, embracin as it does a wonderful colleckshun of livin wild Beests of Pray, snaix in grate profushun, a endliss variety of life-size wax figgers, & the only traned kangaroo in Ameriky--the most amoozin little cuss ever introjuced to a discriminatin public.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 597 ~ ~ ~
Go home, you low cuss!"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 652 ~ ~ ~
My show konsists of a serious of wax works, snakes, a paneramy kalled a Grand Movin Diarea of the War in the Crymear, komic songs and the Cangeroo, which larst little cuss continners to konduct hisself in the most outrajus stile.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 659 ~ ~ ~
What sort of sense is thare to King Leer, who goze round cussin his darters, chawin hay and throin straw at folks, and larfin like a silly old koot and makin a ass of hisself ginerally?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 662 ~ ~ ~
That Jack Fawlstarf is likewise a immoral old cuss, take him how ye may, and Hamlick is as crazy as a loon.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 681 ~ ~ ~
But bitterly did I cuss the day I ever sot foot in the retchid place.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 870 ~ ~ ~
But a low cuss named Iago, who I bleeve wants to git Otheller out of his snug government birth, now goes to work & upsets the Otheller family in the most outrajus stile.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 887 ~ ~ ~
Mrs. Iago cums in just as Otheller has finished the fowl deed & givs him fits right & left, showin him that he has bin orfully gulled by her miserble cuss of a husband.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,027 ~ ~ ~
Wall, take the advice of a Amerykin sitterzen, take orf them gownds & don't try to get up a religious fite, which is 40 times wuss nor a prize fite, over Albert Edard, who wants to receive you all on a ekal footin, not keerin a tinker's cuss what meetin house you sleep in Sundays.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,139 ~ ~ ~
Square Baxter, who Jenerusly refoozed to take a sent for a bottle of camfire; lawyer Perkinses wife who rit sum versis on the Eppisodes; the Editer of the Baldinsville Bugle of Liberty , who nobly assisted me in wollupin my Kangeroo,which sagashus little cuss seriusly disturbed the Eppisodes by his outrajus screetchins & kickins up; Mis.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,163 ~ ~ ~
It is here, as ushil; and the low cuss who called it a Wacant Lot, and wanted to know why they didn't ornament it with sum Bildins', is a onhappy Outcast in Naponsit.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,203 ~ ~ ~
"Wall," the man sed, "it's good for white beans and potatoes, but was regards raisin' wheat, t'ain't worth a damn.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,324 ~ ~ ~
Sez I, "You egrejis ass," gittin up & brushin the dust from my eyes, "I'll sign your papers with this bunch of bones, if you don't be a little more keerful how you make my bread basket a depot in the futur.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,403 ~ ~ ~
"Sound as a cuss!"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 68 ~ ~ ~
"Go it, my sweet cuss!"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 235 ~ ~ ~
I'm for the Union as she air, and withered be the arm of every ornery cuss who attempts to bust her up.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 476 ~ ~ ~
ORGUSTUS is a ethereal cuss.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 613 ~ ~ ~
When, in the broad glare of the noonday sun, a speckled jackass boldly and maliciously kicks over a peanut-stand, do we "reason" with him?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 666 ~ ~ ~
EAGLE!" yelled the infuriated Washington, rolling off his horse and hitting Cornwallis a frightful blow on the head with the flat of his sword, "do you call me a EAGLE, you mean, sneakin' cuss?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 710 ~ ~ ~
I venture to say that if you sarch the earth all over with a ten-hoss power mikriscope, you won't be able to find such another pack of poppycock gabblers as the present Congress of the United States of America would be able to find--find among their constituents.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 858 ~ ~ ~
Justice to the noble aboorygine warrants me in sayin' that orrigernerly he was a majestic cuss.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,030 ~ ~ ~
Says he, Yes, I have, old hoss-fly (he was a low cuss)--yes, I have.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 75 ~ ~ ~
"Owdashus cuss!" yelled the capting, "away with thee or I shall do mur-rer-der-r-r!"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 121 ~ ~ ~
A man is a ass who dispoots it.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 380 ~ ~ ~
With the exception of my Uncle Wilyim--who, as I've before stated, is a uncle by marrige only, who is a low cuss and filled his coat pockets with pies and biled eggs at his weddin breakfast, given to him by my father, and made the clergyman as united him a present of my father's new overcoat, and when my father on discoverin' it got in a rage and denounced him, Uncle Wilyim said the old man (meanin my parent) hadn't any idee of first class Humer!--with the exception of this wretched Uncle the escutchin of my fam'ly has never been stained by Games.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 626 ~ ~ ~
What did the grizzly old cuss do, however, but commence darncin and larfin in the most joyous manner?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 682 ~ ~ ~
The humble costymonger, who traverses the busy streets with a cart containin all kinds of vegetables, such as carrots, turnips, etc, and drawn by a spirited jackass--he can go to the Mooseum and reap benefits therefrom as well as the lord of high degree.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 694 ~ ~ ~
I like a little beer now and then, and when the teetotallers inform us, as they frekently do, that it is vile stuff, and that even the swine shrink from it, I say it only shows that the swine is a ass who don't know what's good; but to pour gin and brandy down one's throat as freely as though it were fresh milk, is the most idiotic way of goin' to the devil that I know of.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 311 ~ ~ ~
Brother Kimball is a gay and festive cuss of some seventy summers--or some'ers thereabout.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 113 ~ ~ ~
But the infamus cuss who I hired to lead me round towns in the day time to excite simpathy drank freely of spiritoous licker unbeknowns to me one day, & while under their inflooance he led me into the canal.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 161 ~ ~ ~
He jined the Church last spring, and the minister said, "You must go home now, Brothern Billins, and erect a family altar in your own house," whereupon the egrejis old ass went home and built a reg'lar pulpit in his sittin room.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 469 ~ ~ ~
What a reckless old cuss he was!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 527 ~ ~ ~
"Let me write the songs of a nashun," sed I, "and I don't care a cuss who goes to the legislater!