Vulgar words in Gargantua and Pantagruel, Illustrated, Book 1 (Page 1)
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 23 ~ ~ ~
From that time legend has fastened on Rabelais, has completely travestied him, till, bit by bit, it has made of him a buffoon, a veritable clown, a vagrant, a glutton, and a drunkard.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 527 ~ ~ ~
V. And thus he rails at drinking all before 'em, And for lewd women does be-whore 'em, And brings their painted faces and black patches to th' quorum.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 582 ~ ~ ~
So saith a turlupin or a new start-up grub of my books, but a turd for him.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 744 ~ ~ ~
This entereth into my veins,--the pissing tools and urinal vessels shall have nothing of it.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 853 ~ ~ ~
Whereupon an old ugly trot in the company, who had the repute of an expert she-physician, and was come from Brisepaille, near to Saint Genou, three score years before, made her so horrible a restrictive and binding medicine, and whereby all her larris, arse-pipes, and conduits were so oppilated, stopped, obstructed, and contracted, that you could hardly have opened and enlarged them with your teeth, which is a terrible thing to think upon; seeing the Devil at the mass at Saint Martin's was puzzled with the like task, when with his teeth he had lengthened out the parchment whereon he wrote the tittle-tattle of two young mangy whores.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 909 ~ ~ ~
For the jewel or brooch which in his cap he carried, he had in a cake of gold, weighing three score and eight marks, a fair piece enamelled, wherein was portrayed a man's body with two heads, looking towards one another, four arms, four feet, two arses, such as Plato, in Symposio, says was the mystical beginning of man's nature; and about it was written in Ionic letters, Agame ou zetei ta eautes, or rather, Aner kai gune zugada anthrotos idiaitata, that is, Vir et mulier junctim propriissime homo.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 931 ~ ~ ~
By the same reasons (if reasons I should call them, and not ravings rather, and idle triflings about words), might I cause paint a pannier, to signify that I am in pain--a mustard-pot, that my heart tarries much for't--one pissing upwards for a bishop--the bottom of a pair of breeches for a vessel full of fart-hings--a codpiece for the office of the clerks of the sentences, decrees, or judgments, or rather, as the English bears it, for the tail of a codfish--and a dog's turd for the dainty turret wherein lies the love of my sweetheart.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 997 ~ ~ ~
He pissed in his shoes, shit in his shirt, and wiped his nose on his sleeve--he did let his snot and snivel fall in his pottage, and dabbled, paddled, and slobbered everywhere--he would drink in his slipper, and ordinarily rub his belly against a pannier.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 999 ~ ~ ~
He would sit down betwixt two stools, and his arse to the ground --would cover himself with a wet sack, and drink in eating of his soup.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,001 ~ ~ ~
Oftentimes did he spit in the basin, and fart for fatness, piss against the sun, and hide himself in the water for fear of rain.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,002 ~ ~ ~
He would strike out of the cold iron, be often in the dumps, and frig and wriggle it.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,007 ~ ~ ~
He would eat cabbage, and shite beets,--knew flies in a dish of milk, and would make them lose their feet.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,017 ~ ~ ~
He would bite their ears, and they would scratch his nose--he would blow in their arses, and they would lick his chaps.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,036 ~ ~ ~
[Illustration: Led Them up the Great Staircase--1-12-028] Afterwards, that he might be all his lifetime a good rider, they made to him a fair great horse of wood, which he did make leap, curvet, jerk out behind, and skip forward, all at a time: to pace, trot, rack, gallop, amble, to play the hobby, the hackney-gelding: go the gait of the camel, and of the wild ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,057 ~ ~ ~
It is, said he, five turds to make you a muzzle.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,107 ~ ~ ~
In shitting yes'day I did know The sess I to my arse did owe: The smell was such came from that slunk, That I was with it all bestunk: O had but then some brave Signor Brought her to me I waited for, In shitting!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,108 ~ ~ ~
I would have cleft her watergap, And join'd it close to my flipflap, Whilst she had with her fingers guarded My foul nockandrow, all bemerded In shitting.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,129 ~ ~ ~
The good man Grangousier having heard this discourse, was ravished with admiration, considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his son Gargantua, and said to his governesses, Philip, king of Macedon, knew the great wit of his son Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse; for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him, after that he had given to his riders such devilish falls, breaking the neck of this man, the other man's leg, braining one, and putting another out of his jawbone.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,154 ~ ~ ~
But all the countenance that Gargantua kept was, that he fell to crying like a cow, and cast down his face, hiding it with his cap, nor could they possibly draw one word from him, no more than a fart from a dead ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,188 ~ ~ ~
Some, nevertheless, of the company escaped this piss-flood by mere speed of foot, who, when they were at the higher end of the university, sweating, coughing, spitting, and out of breath, they began to swear and curse, some in good hot earnest, and others in jest.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,251 ~ ~ ~
Edepol, quoniam, ita certe, medius fidius; a town without bells is like a blind man without a staff, an ass without a crupper, and a cow without cymbals.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,252 ~ ~ ~
Therefore be assured, until you have restored them unto us, we will never leave crying after you, like a blind man that hath lost his staff, braying like an ass without a crupper, and making a noise like a cow without cymbals.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,261 ~ ~ ~
The sophister had no sooner ended, but Ponocrates and Eudemon burst out in a laughing so heartily, that they had almost split with it, and given up the ghost, in rendering their souls to God: even just as Crassus did, seeing a lubberly ass eat thistles; and as Philemon, who, for seeing an ass eat those figs which were provided for his own dinner, died with force of laughing.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,268 ~ ~ ~
Ha, said Janotus, baudet, baudet, or blockhead, blockhead, thou dost not conclude in modo et figura.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,272 ~ ~ ~
I do not ask thee, said Janotus, blockhead, quomodo supponit, but pro quo?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,273 ~ ~ ~
It is, blockhead, pro tibiis meis, and therefore I will carry it, Egomet, sicut suppositum portat appositum.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,274 ~ ~ ~
So did he carry it away very close and covertly, as Patelin the buffoon did his cloth.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,302 ~ ~ ~
Then he dunged, pissed, spewed, belched, cracked, yawned, spitted, coughed, yexed, sneezed and snotted himself like an archdeacon, and, to suppress the dew and bad air, went to breakfast, having some good fried tripes, fair rashers on the coals, excellent gammons of bacon, store of fine minced meat, and a great deal of sippet brewis, made up of the fat of the beef-pot, laid upon bread, cheese, and chopped parsley strewed together.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,318 ~ ~ ~
Pissing then a full urinal, he sat down at table; and because he was naturally phlegmatic, he began his meal with some dozens of gammons, dried neat's tongues, hard roes of mullet, called botargos, andouilles or sausages, and such other forerunners of wine.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,655 ~ ~ ~
The bun-sellers or cake-makers were in nothing inclinable to their request; but, which was worse, did injure them most outrageously, calling them prattling gabblers, lickorous gluttons, freckled bittors, mangy rascals, shite-a-bed scoundrels, drunken roysters, sly knaves, drowsy loiterers, slapsauce fellows, slabberdegullion druggels, lubberly louts, cozening foxes, ruffian rogues, paltry customers, sycophant-varlets, drawlatch hoydens, flouting milksops, jeering companions, staring clowns, forlorn snakes, ninny lobcocks, scurvy sneaksbies, fondling fops, base loons, saucy coxcombs, idle lusks, scoffing braggarts, noddy meacocks, blockish grutnols, doddipol-joltheads, jobbernol goosecaps, foolish loggerheads, flutch calf-lollies, grouthead gnat-snappers, lob-dotterels, gaping changelings, codshead loobies, woodcock slangams, ninny-hammer flycatchers, noddypeak simpletons, turdy gut, shitten shepherds, and other suchlike defamatory epithets; saying further, that it was not for them to eat of these dainty cakes, but might very well content themselves with the coarse unranged bread, or to eat of the great brown household loaf.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,700 ~ ~ ~
Whom when he heard sing, im, nim, pe, ne, ne, ne, ne, nene, tum, ne, num, num, ini, i mi, co, o, no, o, o, neno, ne, no, no, no, rum, nenum, num: It is well shit, well sung, said he.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,989 ~ ~ ~
When they heard these words, some amongst them began to be afraid, and blessed themselves with both hands, thinking indeed that he had been a devil disguised, insomuch that one of them, named Good John, captain of the trained bands of the country bumpkins, took his psalter out of his codpiece, and cried out aloud, Hagios ho theos.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,016 ~ ~ ~
In the meantime his mare pissed to ease her belly, but it was in such abundance that it did overflow the country seven leagues, and all the piss of that urinal flood ran glib away towards the ford of Vede, wherewith the water was so swollen that all the forces the enemy had there were with great horror drowned, except some who had taken the way on the left hand towards the hills.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,195 ~ ~ ~
Friar John, said Gymnast, take away the snot that hangs at your nose.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,301 ~ ~ ~
Which words being heard by those that rode in the van, they instantly faced about, and seeing there was nobody but the monk that made this great havoc and slaughter among them, they loaded him with blows as thick as they use to do an ass with wood.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,326 ~ ~ ~
And presently the monk gave his horse the spur, and kept the way that the enemy held, who had met with Gargantua and his companions in the broad highway, and were so diminished of their number for the enormous slaughter that Gargantua had made with his great tree amongst them, as also Gymnast, Ponocrates, Eudemon, and the rest, that they began to retreat disorderly and in great haste, as men altogether affrighted and troubled in both sense and understanding, and as if they had seen the very proper species and form of death before their eyes; or rather, as when you see an ass with a brizze or gadbee under his tail, or fly that stings him, run hither and thither without keeping any path or way, throwing down his load to the ground, breaking his bridle and reins, and taking no breath nor rest, and no man can tell what ails him, for they see not anything touch him.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,459 ~ ~ ~
Picrochole thus in despair fled towards the Bouchard Island, and in the way to Riviere his horse stumbled and fell down, whereat he on a sudden was so incensed, that he with his sword without more ado killed him in his choler; then, not finding any that would remount him, he was about to have taken an ass at the mill that was thereby; but the miller's men did so baste his bones and so soundly bethwack him that they made him both black and blue with strokes; then stripping him of all his clothes, gave him a scurvy old canvas jacket wherewith to cover his nakedness.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,569 ~ ~ ~
Here enter not base pinching usurers, Pelf-lickers, everlasting gatherers, Gold-graspers, coin-gripers, gulpers of mists, Niggish deformed sots, who, though your chests Vast sums of money should to you afford, Would ne'ertheless add more unto that hoard, And yet not be content,--you clunchfist dastards, Insatiable fiends, and Pluto's bastards, Greedy devourers, chichy sneakbill rogues, Hell-mastiffs gnaw your bones, you ravenous dogs.