Vulgar words in Gargantua and Pantagruel, Illustrated, Book 5 (Page 1)
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 83 ~ ~ ~
As for you, little envious prigs, snarling bastards, puny critics, you'll soon have railed your last; go hang yourselves, and choose you out some well-spread oak, under whose shade you may swing in state, to the admiration of the gaping mob; you shall never want rope enough.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 121 ~ ~ ~
it is as easy as pissing a bed, and a trade of which anybody may set up; there needs no tools.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 287 ~ ~ ~
There 'twas his good fortune to find a pretty shepherdess feeding her bleating sheep and harmless lambkins on the brow of a neighbouring mountain, in the shade of an adjacent grove; near her, some frisking kids tripped it over a green carpet of nature's own spreading, and, to complete the landscape, there stood an ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 289 ~ ~ ~
While they were holding a parley, the horse, directing his discourse to the ass (for all brute beasts spoke that year in divers places), whispered these words in his ear: Poor ass, how I pity thee!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 291 ~ ~ ~
Thou dost well, however, since God has created thee to serve mankind; thou art a very honest ass, but not to be better rubbed down, currycombed, trapped, and fed than thou art, seems to me indeed to be too hard a lot.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 297 ~ ~ ~
Methinks, gaffer ass, you might as well have said Sir Grandpaw Steed.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 302 ~ ~ ~
The ass, who heard this, recommended himself mentally to the god Neptune, and was packing off, thinking and syllogizing within himself thus: Had not I been an ass, I had not come here among great lords, when I must needs be sensible that I was only made for the use of the small vulgar.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 315 ~ ~ ~
When they had well fed, quoth the horse to the ass; Well, poor ass, how is it with thee now?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 318 ~ ~ ~
By the fig, answered the ass, which, one of our ancestors eating, Philemon died laughing, this is all sheer ambrosia, good Sir Grandpaw; but what would you have an ass say?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 323 ~ ~ ~
dost thou take me for an ass?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 324 ~ ~ ~
In troth, Sir Grandpaw, quoth the ass, I am somewhat of a blockhead, you know, and cannot, for the heart's blood of me, learn so fast the court way of speaking of you gentlemen horses; I mean, don't you stallionize it sometimes here among your mettled fillies?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 328 ~ ~ ~
By this packsaddle, my old acquaintance, quoth the ass, I have done with you; a fart for thy litter and hay, and a fart for thy oats; give me the thistles of our fields, since there we leap when we list.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 337 ~ ~ ~
Pantagruel would have had him to have gone on to the end of the chapter; but Aedituus said, A word to the wise is enough; I can pick out the meaning of that fable, and know who is that ass, and who the horse; but you are a bashful youth, I perceive.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 432 ~ ~ ~
For the dice are no sooner thrown on the board, and the greedy gazing sparks have hardly said, Two sixes, Frank; but Six devils damn it!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 558 ~ ~ ~
Look ye, it is a folly to make a rout for a fart and ado; one word is as good as twenty.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 618 ~ ~ ~
Damn it, did you then take me along with you for your chaplain, to sing mass and shrive you?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 629 ~ ~ ~
Damn 'em, they don't value all the ill words or dishonour in the world at a rush, so they but get the coin into their purses, though they were to have it in a shitten clout.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 675 ~ ~ ~
The forlorn lobcocks soon showed him their backs, betaking themselves to their heels; but the old fusty landlady kept her ground, swearing like any butter-whore that the tarpaulins were very honest cods, but that they only forgot to pay for the bed on which they had lain after dinner, and she asked fivepence, French money, for the said bed.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 719 ~ ~ ~
A pimping son of ten fathers, who, for want of a better, did the office of a butler, seeing that Friar John had cast a sheep's eye at a choice bottle that stood near a cupboard by itself, at some distance from the rest of the bottellic magazine, like a jack-in-an-office said to Pantagruel, Sir, I perceive that one of your men here is making love to this bottle.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 757 ~ ~ ~
From thence, as he was leading us to see a thousand little puny presses, we spied another paltry bar, about which sat four are five ignorant waspish churls, of so testy, fuming a temper, (like an ass with squibs and crackers tied to its tail,) and so ready to take pepper in the nose for yea and nay, that a dog would not have lived with 'em.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 763 ~ ~ ~
The son of a bitch was fed with costs, for he lived on a multiplicity of fine amonds and amerciaments by order of their worships, to each of whom the monster was worth more than the best farm in the land.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 783 ~ ~ ~
And we saw some who slashed and pinked their skins to open a passage to the fat, that it might swell out at the slits and gashes which they made; neither more nor less than the shit-breech fellows in our country bepink and cut open their breeches that the taffety on the inside may stand out and be puffed up.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 798 ~ ~ ~
Then some of the neighbours told us that the bursting was over, and that the clap or crack which we heard was the last fart, and so there was an end of mine host.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 800 ~ ~ ~
That pious person, being much dunned, teased, and importuned by his relations to resign his abbey in his old age, said and professed that he would not strip till he was ready to go to bed, and that the last fart which his reverend paternity was to utter should be the fart of an abbot.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 823 ~ ~ ~
I was acquainted with many of the passengers that came in her, who were most of 'em of good families; among the rest Harry Cotiral, an old toast, who had got a swinging ass's touch-tripe (penis) fastened to his waist, as the good women's beads are to their girdle.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 874 ~ ~ ~
Her true name then is Entelechy, and may he be in tail beshit, and entail a shit-a-bed faculty and nothing else on his family, who dares call her by any other name; for whoever he is, he does her wrong, and is a very impudent person.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,031 ~ ~ ~
The first was concerning a he-ass's shadow; the second, of the smoke of a lantern; and the third of goat's hair, whether it were wool or no.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,197 ~ ~ ~
Their chins were close-shaved, and their feet iron-shod; and to show they did not value fortune, Benius made them shave and poll the hind part of their polls as bare as a bird's arse, from the crown to the shoulder-blades; but they had leave to let their hair grow before, from the two triangular bones in the upper part of the skull.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,203 ~ ~ ~
The hind part of their faces were always uncovered, as are our faces, which made them either go with their belly or the arse foremost, which they pleased.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,212 ~ ~ ~
Having then made shift to get up at noon, they pulled off their boots, and those that wanted to speak with a maid, alias piss, pissed; those that wanted to scumber, scumbered; and those that wanted to sneeze, sneezed.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,262 ~ ~ ~
Ay, ay, this is the world, and t'other is the country; may I never piss if this be not an antichthonian land, and our very antipodes.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,648 ~ ~ ~
Damn him, cried Friar John, that's as true as I am his uncle.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,654 ~ ~ ~
He's nothing but skin and bones; he has pissed his tallow.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,667 ~ ~ ~
But I must tell you that the vicar of Jambert ascribed this copious prolification of the women, not to that sort of food that we chiefly eat in Lent, but to the little licensed stooping mumpers, your little booted Lent-preachers, your little draggle-tailed father confessors, who during all that time of their reign damn all husbands that run astray three fathom and a half below the very lowest pit of hell.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,762 ~ ~ ~
I saw the skin of Apuleius's golden ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,771 ~ ~ ~
Friar John told us that in the days of yore two sorts of fishes used to abound in our courts of judicature, and rotted the bodies and tormented the souls of those who were at law, whether noble or of mean descent, high or low, rich or poor: the first were your April fish or mackerel (pimps, panders, and bawds); the others your beneficial remoras, that is, the eternity of lawsuits, the needless lets that keep 'em undecided.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,773 ~ ~ ~
Also some crocutas and some eali as big as sea-horses, with elephants' tails, boars' jaws and tusks, and horns as pliant as an ass's ears.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,821 ~ ~ ~
Near the port there's a little hamlet inhabited by the Lychnobii, that live by lanterns, as the gulligutted friars in our country live by nuns; they are studious people, and as honest men as ever shit in a trumpet.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,830 ~ ~ ~
The lanterns of the royal blood were clad partly with bastard-diamonds, partly with diaphanous stones; the rest with horn, paper, and oiled cloth.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,925 ~ ~ ~
Heaven would sooner send down a shower of them; even as in Provence, in the fields of La Crau, near Mariannes, there rained stones (they are there to this day) to help Hercules, who otherwise wanted wherewithal to fight Neptune's two bastards.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,943 ~ ~ ~
Come on, move on, piss, pish, push on.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,991 ~ ~ ~
He was a diminutive, stooping, palsied, plump, gorbellied old fellow, with a swingeing pair of stiff-standing lugs of his own, a sharp Roman nose, large rough eyebrows, mounted on a well-hung ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,019 ~ ~ ~
All his army were crowned with ivy; their javelins, bucklers, and drums were also wholly covered with it; there was not so much as Silenus's ass but was betrapped with it.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,128 ~ ~ ~
Which done, she ordered him to sit down between two stools placed there for that purpose, his arse upon the ground.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,189 ~ ~ ~
Will he rid us of his damned company, to go shite out his nasty rhyming balderdash in some bog-house?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,220 ~ ~ ~
Panurge, pulling off his gaberdine and mystical accoutrements, replied: Wherefore thou shalt, thou filthy beast, Be damned twelve fathoms deep at least; While I shall reign in Paradise, Whence on thy loggerhead I'll piss.