Vulgar words in Humoresque - A Laugh on Life with a Tear Behind It (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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Produced by Suzanne Shell, Charlie Kirschner and the PG Distributed Proofreaders [Illustration: HE CAPERED THROUGH THE MELODY OF DVORÃK'S, WHICH IS AS IRONIC AS A GRINNING MASK] HUMORESQUE A LAUGH ON LIFE WITH A TEAR BEHIND IT By FANNIE HURST 1920 CONTENTS HUMORESQUE OATS FOR THE WOMAN A PETAL ON THE CURRENT WHITE GOODS "HEADS" A BOOB SPELLED BACKWARD EVEN AS YOU AND I THE WRONG PEW HUMORESQUE On either side of the Bowery, which cuts through like a drain to catch its sewage, Every Man's Land, a reeking march of humanity and humidity, steams with the excrement of seventeen languages, flung in _patois_ from tenement windows, fire escapes, curbs, stoops, and cellars whose walls are terrible and spongy with fungi.
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"Love-affair poppycock!" said Leon Kantor, lifting his mother's face and kissing her on eyes about ready to tear.
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"That's so--so what you call 'tender,' for my best sweetheart that I--Oh, love-affair--poppycock!"
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When woman would be sleazy, petticoat manufacturers went overnight into an oblivion from which there might or might not be returning.
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On the show-room side of the door, painted mauve within and not without, _mannequins_, so pink finger-tipped, so tilted of instep, and so bred in the thrust to the silhouette, trailed these sleazy products of thick ringers across mauve-colored carpet and before the appraising eyes of twenty states.
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"Does he wear a mask when he makes love?"
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The hussy under that white complexion of yours!
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Ye hussy!
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Ye hussy!
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"Speaking of 'Saint Elba,' Mr. Pelz, somebody must speak to Mabel Lovely about the way she keeps hogging center-stage in that scene with me on--" "There's no center-stage left to hog with you in the picture, Spencer."
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"She's got to quit wasting her time on that conceited jackass," said Mr. Pelz, swallowing off his demi-tasse at a gulp.
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It prolonged for those on shore the contour of the line of faces above each deck; it picked points of light from off everywhere--off smokestacks and polished railings, off plate-glass and brass-bound port-holes and even down the ship's flank, to where gilt letters spelled out shiningly: "_LUSITANIA._" A BOOB SPELLED BACKWARD How difficult it is to think of great lives in terms of the small mosaics that go to make up the pattern of every man's day-by-day--the too tepid shaving-water; the badly laundered shirt-front; the three-minute egg; the too-short fourth leg of the table; the draught on the neck; the bad pen; the neighboring rooster; the misplaced key; the slipping chest-protector.
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Don't be a boob coming and going, Sam; you're one now not to see things and you'll be another one spelled backward if you don't help yourself to your chance when it comes.
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Why--I'd rather be a thousand boobs than take my mother's heart and tear it to pieces."
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I'd be a, sweet boob, wouldn't I, to cut my pocket-book in two?
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"You and a boob country quack of a doctor ain't going to own my soul.
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No quack boob is going to own my soul."
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I know my constitution better than a quack country boob does.
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"Well, I'll be darned!" said Mr. Kahn, smiling at her.
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He's a slow cuss and 'ain't grasped the situation yet.