Vulgar words in The Poetical Works of John Dryden, Volume 1 - With Life, Critical Dissertation, and Explanatory Notes (Page 1)
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This would form a good enough excuse for a Sporus, "a white curd of ass' milk," but not for a strong man like Dryden.
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Earnely[54] and Aylesbury[55] with all that race Of busy blockheads, shall have here no place; At council set as foils on Danby's[56] score, To make that great false jewel shine the more; Who all that while was thought exceeding wise, Only for taking pains and telling lies.
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For wit and fool are consequence of Whig and Tory; and every man is a knave or an ass to the contrary side.
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There is a treasury of merits in the Fanatic church, as well as in the Popish; and a pennyworth to be had of saintship, honesty, and poetry, for the lewd, the factious, and the blockheads: but the longest chapter in Deuteronomy has not curses enough for an Anti-Bromingham.
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But when to sin our biass'd nature leans, The careful devil is still at hand with means; 80 And providently pimps for ill desires: The good old cause revived a plot requires.
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Some of their chiefs were princes of the land: In the first rank of these did Zimri stand; A man so various, that he seem'd to be Not one, but all mankind's epitome: Stiff in opinions, always in the wrong; Was everything by starts, and nothing long; But, in the course of one revolving moon, Was chemist, fiddler, statesman, and buffoon: 550 Then all for women, painting, rhyming, drinking, Besides ten thousand freaks that died in thinking.
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And therefore, in the name of dulness, be The well-hung Balaam and cold Caleb free: And canting Nadab let oblivion damn, Who made new porridge for the paschal lamb.
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Or how could heavenly justice damn us all, Who ne'er consented to our father's fall?
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To prove they could rebel, and rail, and mock, Much to the credit of the chosen flock; A strong authority which must convince, 380 That saints own no allegiance to their prince; As 'tis a leading-card to make a whore, To prove her mother had turn'd up before.
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For almonds he'll cry whore to his own mother: And call young Absalom king David's brother.
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Achitophel, each rank, degree, and age, 510 For various ends neglects not to engage; The wise and rich, for purse and counsel brought, The fools and beggars, for their number sought: Who yet not only on the town depends, For even in court the faction had its friends; These thought the places they possess'd too small, And in their hearts wish'd court and king to fall: Whose names the muse disdaining, holds i' the dark, Thrust in the villain herd without a mark; With parasites and libel-spawning imps, 520 Intriguing fops, dull jesters, and worse pimps.
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If God has not blessed you with the talent of rhyming, make use of my poor stock, and welcome: let your verses run upon my feet; and for the utmost refuge of notorious blockheads, reduced to the last extremity of sense, turn my own lines upon me, and, in utter despair of your own satire, make me satirize myself.
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Whoring to scandal gives too large a scope: 40 Saints must not trade; but they may interlope: The ungodly principle was all the same; But a gross cheat betrays his partner's game.
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Yet still he found his fortune at a stay: Whole droves of blockheads choking up his way; They took, but not rewarded, his advice; Villain and wit exact a double price.
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The man[83] who laugh'd but once, to see an ass Mumbling make the cross-grain'd thistles pass, Might laugh again to see a jury chaw The prickles of unpalatable law.
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The witnesses, that leech-like lived on blood, Sucking for them was medicinally good; 150 But when they fasten'd on their fester'd sore, Then justice and religion they forswore, Their maiden oaths debauch'd into a whore.
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But thou, the pander of the people's hearts, O crooked soul, and serpentine in arts, Whose blandishments a loyal land have whored, And broke the bonds she plighted to her lord; What curses on thy blasted name will fall!
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The presbyter, puff'd up with spiritual pride, Shall on the necks of the lewd nobles ride: His brethren damn, the civil power defy; 300 And parcel out republic prelacy.
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Then let us either think he meant to say This faith, where publish'd, was the only way; Or else conclude that, Arius to confute, 220 The good old man, too eager in dispute, Flew high; and as his Christian fury rose, Damn'd all for heretics who durst oppose.
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In times o'ergrown with rust and ignorance, 370 A gainful trade their clergy did advance: When want of learning kept the laymen low, And none but priests were authorised to know: When what small knowledge was, in them did dwell; And he a god, who could but read and spell: Then Mother Church did mightily prevail; She parcell'd out the Bible by retail: But still expounded what she sold or gave; To keep it in her power to damn and save.
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Next her the buffoon Ape[95], as Atheists use, Mimick'd all sects, and had his own to choose: 40 Still when the Lion look'd, his knees he bent, And paid at church a courtier's compliment.
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On his own reason safer 'tis to stand, Than be deceived and damn'd at second-hand.
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280 Did we a lawful tyranny displace, To set aloft a bastard of the race?
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They ask you blessing but for what you have; But once possess'd of what with care you save, The wanton boys would piss upon your grave.
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Now, if you damn this censure, as too bold, Judge by yourselves, and think not others sold.
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At thy well-sharpen'd thumb, from shore to shore The trebles squeak for fear, the basses roar: Echoes from Pissing-Alley, Shadwell call, And Shadwell they resound from Aston-Hall.
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Resistless force and immortality 350 Make but a lame, imperfect, deity: Tempests have force unbounded to destroy, And deathless being, even the damn'd enjoy; And yet Heaven's attributes, both last and first, One without life, and one with life accurst: But justice is Heaven's self, so strictly he, That could it fail, the Godhead could not be.