Vulgar words in Chapters from My Autobiography (Page 1)

This book at a glance

ass x 3
damn x 1
jackass x 5
make love x 3
scrap x 1
            

Page 1

~   ~   ~   Sentence 260   ~   ~   ~

He called on me, shook hands cordially, and said at once, without any preliminaries, "I am substantially an obscure person, but I have at least one distinction to my credit of such colossal dimensions that it entitles me to immortality-to wit: I refused a book of yours, and for this I stand without competitor as the prize ass of the nineteenth century."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 863   ~   ~   ~

I explained to him that he was an ass, but he stuck to his proposition, and I said, "Go on and try it, and see."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,878   ~   ~   ~

Upon suggestion I fled from snakes; passed buckets at a fire; became excited over hot steamboat-races; made love to imaginary girls and kissed them; fished from the platform and landed mud-cats that outweighed me-and so on, all the customary marvels.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,134   ~   ~   ~

For his own amusement-for he was not generally laboring for other people's amusement-Steve was constantly and persistently and loudly and elaborately making love to that mulatto girl and distressing the life out of her and worrying the old mother to death.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,139   ~   ~   ~

She quite well understood that by the customs of slaveholding communities it was Steve's right to make love to that girl if he wanted to.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,420   ~   ~   ~

As I say, he always sent a detailed statement of the month's profit and loss on the chickens-at least the month's loss on the chickens-and this detailed statement included the various items of expense-corn for the chickens, boots for himself, and so on; even car fares, and the weekly contribution of ten cents to help out the missionaries who were trying to damn the Chinese after a plan not satisfactory to those people.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,961   ~   ~   ~

All human beings would like to dress in loose and comfortable and highly colored and showy garments, and they had their desire until a century ago, when a king, or some other influential ass, introduced sombre hues and discomfort and ugly designs into masculine clothing.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 3,468   ~   ~   ~

As secretary there was nothing for him to do except to scrap-book the daily reports of the great trial of the Tichborne Claimant for perjury.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 4,898   ~   ~   ~

I acquired some of this learning in Jackass Gulch, California, more than forty years ago.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 4,899   ~   ~   ~

Jackass Gulch had once been a rich and thriving surface-mining camp.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 4,906   ~   ~   ~

Last winter, here in New York, I saw Hoppe and Schaefer and Sutton and the three or four other billiard champions of world-wide fame contend against each other, and certainly the art and science displayed were a wonder to see; yet I saw nothing there in the way of science and art that was more wonderful than shots which I had seen Texas Tom make on the wavy surface of that poor old wreck in the perishing saloon at Jackass Gulch forty years before.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 4,910   ~   ~   ~

With practice, that champion [Pg 334] could score nineteen or twenty on the Jackass Gulch table; but to start with, Texas Tom would show him miracles that would astonish him; also it might have another handsome result: it might persuade the great experts to discard their own trifling game and bring the Jackass Gulch outfit here and exhibit their skill in a game worth a hundred of the discarded one, for profound and breathless interest, and for displays of almost superhuman skill.

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