Vulgar words in Spare Hours (Page 1)
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Produced by Barbara Tozier, Bill Tozier and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net _HORÃ SUBSECIVÃ._ "_A lady, resident in Devonshire, going into one of her parlors, discovered a young ass, who had found his way into the room, and carefully closed the door upon himself.
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I had to brain him wi' a rack-pin; there was nae doin' wi' him.
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He does not go off upon her eyebrows, or even her eyes; he does not sit down, and in a genteel way announce that "love in thine eyes forever sits," &c. &c., or that her feet look out from under her petticoats like little mice: he is far past that; he is not making love, he is in it.
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The book is at first sight one farrago of oddities and offences-coarse foreign paper-bad printing-italics broad-cast over every page-the words run into each other in a way we are glad to say is as yet quite original, making such extraordinary monsters of words as these-beingsriddle-sunbeammotes-gooddeed-midjune- summerair-selffavor-seraphechoes-puredeedprompter-barkskeel, &c. Now we like Anglo-Saxon and the polygamous German,[49] but we like better the well of English undefiled-a well, by the by, much oftener spoken of than drawn from; but to fashion such words as these words are, is as monstrous as for a painter to _compose_ an animal not out of the elements, but out of the entire bodies of several, of an ass, for instance, a cock and a crocodile, so as to produce an outrageous individual, with whom even a duck-billed Platypus would think twice before he fraternized-ornithorynchous and paradoxical though he be, poor fellow.
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The story is the well-known one of Psyche and Cupid, told at such length, and with so much beauty and pathos and picturesqueness by Apuleius, in his "Golden Ass."
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Davie swung himself out at the door on his kent, much crestfallen, and in great wrath, shutting the door with a bang behind him, but opening it again, he shook his clenched fist in the parson's face, and said, 'Weel, weel, ye'll no let decent, honest folk marry; but, 'od, lad, I'se plenish your parish wi' bastards, to see what ye'll mak o' that,' and away he went.